Blue Autumn
by The.Teal.Rose
Summary: (Arima/Minami, set during Jack) Arima, Fura and Minami spend an evening at a local carnival where Arima sees the girl's humanity for the first time. The realization sets him on a path to discover the truth and fills him with a determination to see ghouls and humans united. He also comes across a young boy who, though shadowed by trauma, is filled with a strong, hopeful light.
1. Prologue

**A/N: **This is going to be a short, 5 or 6 chapter story of a brief experience from Arima's past ;) Set during the events of the OVA, Jack. All characters belong to Tokyo Ghoul!

* * *

**Prologue**

_Other girls may come and go, but I'll see only shades of you, and all my autumns will be blue._

+.+.+.+.+.+

It was almost pleasant, Arima considered as he knelt on the rooftop across from his two companions.

Taishi was lying on his back, eyes half closed and arms resting comfortably beneath his head. He argued lazily with Minami as she held her hair out of her face so she could read from the book in her lap.

The sun was thinly veiled behind a cover of gray clouds as the breeze swept in the cold front forecast for the weekend. The drop in temperature was steady, but already Arima noticed his skin reacting in raised bumps.

"Look!" Minami leaned toward Taishi. "See? That battle ended in _1803."_

"Pfft," Taishi grunted only.

His grunt immediately earned him a sharp _thwack_ as Minami lifted her book and unceremoniously struck him across his elevated foot.

The two bickered and Arima silently sighed as he looked past them and toward the clouds. He watched as they grew heavier and his eyes closed from behind the frames of his glasses — a window behind which he seemed always removed from the sights of the world.

It was almost pleasant.

If he didn't know what he knew about the girl behaving so unassumingly…if not for that, it perhaps _would_ be…

Pleasant.

+.+.+.+.+.+


	2. Cotton Candy

**I  
****Cotton Candy**

_How could I ever know you?  
__When everything lies in disguise  
__How could I ever forget?  
__Those eyes looking for my weal_

+.+.+.+.+.+

Minami squealed, hands raised far above her head. "At last! I've been looking forward to this all year."

It somehow sounded so genuine.

She chuckled and brought her hands together before holding them in front of her mouth. Her eyes reflected the bright, colorful lights of the carnival they were about to enter.

Taishi shook his head but grinned widely in excitement. Arima graced them both with a small smile.

"Shall we?" The taller boy motioned forward.

Minami eagerly danced on ahead of them and Taishi threw a casual arm about Arima's shoulders.

"This your first time to one of these?"

"Yes," came Arima's stoic, but honest response.

They moved forward and Arima's attention fixed on the stirring of a patch of leaves as Minami swept past.

As Taishi removed his arm, Arima adjusted his glasses and continued the conversation.

"This isn't your first time, I take it?"

It seemed a casual enough question, but Taishi grew inexplicably quiet as his eyes fell to his shoes. He kicked at a candy wrapper then shoved his hands in his pockets with a sigh.

"Nah…I took Aki to one of these on our first date."

Aki. The girl in the hospital. The girl who lost an eye and the lives of three companions.

Lost them to…_her_.

Arima's eyes flicked to Minami as she stopped to observe a stack of jack-o-lanterns with a shameless tilt of her head.

He watched as she lifted a finger and stabbed it through the eye before she giggled and shifted her stare, meeting his. Something glinting and dangerous passed through her dark gaze before it was replaced with her usual front of inviting warmth.

He wondered how long it would be before she revealed who she was to him.

Taishi seemed to shrug off the mood he'd fallen into as he marched up to Minami and placed a hand atop her hair, ruffling it as he spoke.

"So, what'd you wanna do first?"

"Hm…," she placed a finger to her chin and tilted her head. "First we eat!"

A curiously eager choice for a ghoul.

Taishi laughed. "You read all those textbooks but you lack common sense! You're gonna get sick if you eat before we go on the rides."

"Not if we let it settle first."

"Who wants to wait for _that_?"

The two laughed and Arima silently followed before stopping behind them in line for a food vendor.

The air was thicker here. It was warm and dense with a strange, smoky sweetness.

He scanned the menu and saw there were a number of things he wasn't familiar with — things he would never have imagined eating. Stuffed Oreos, giant jalapeno and bacon wrapped turkey legs, and something called a funnel cake. He saw cotton candy too and, though he'd heard of it, he'd never actually seen it. There were several pre-made cones hanging off the side of the truck, reminding him of drifting, evening clouds.

Minami moved forward in line and cheerily ordered one of the cones for herself before stepping aside for Taishi.

"A funnel cake for me." He glanced back at Arima. "What'll you have?" He thrust a thumb at himself. "I'm buying."

"A caramel apple will be fine."

"Yum," Minami said with a nod and modest lift of her eyes. "That was my second choice."

The vendor called out to her and she turned to grab her treat with a bright smile and gush of gratitude. She moved to stand beside the line and tore off a piece from the cloud.

Arima's eyes followed her movement as she lifted the bite to her mouth. He imagined she'd chosen it because of how easily the sugar would dissolve, not leaving anything to linger on her tongue.

"You're looking very intense all of a sudden, Arima-kun."

He blinked and looked up to see her tilt her head at him curiously, eyes wide and innocent-looking. She held out the pink cone. "Were you wanting some?"

He hesitated, eyeing the offering uncertainly. "…I don't know."

Her gaze widened. "Have you never had cotton candy?!"

"No."

"Oh, now you _have_ to try it."

"Ugh!" Taishi shuddered. "That stuff's nasty. It's straight sugar."

Minami shook her head. "Don't listen to him, it's _delicious_."

Now he really didn't know what to believe. Ghouls were hardly trustworthy food critics.

"Ah, go on!" Taishi slapped a hand against his back. "Might as well experience it for yourself."

Arima reached up to adjust his glasses, the force of Taishi's sudden motion having caused them to slip down.

He opened his mouth to respond but before he could, Minami swept forward and shoved a piece of the gritty fluff past his lips. He blinked and closed his mouth as she stepped back, thumb lifting between her teeth as she smiled apologetically around it.

As the intensely sweet sugar dissolved, the taste striking and momentary, Arima's thoughts took an unexpected turn to a line from Rabindranath Tagore's _Stray Birds:_

"_Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky."_

He swallowed and offered a resigned glance to the girl watching him eagerly. She and Taishi were quite the effective tag team.

"Well? Did you like it?"

"It was a little sweeter than I prefer, but it wasn't terrible."

"Tch," Taishi clicked his tongue before turning to the vendor to grab the rest of their order.

Minami giggled and held up her index and middle finger in a victory sign. "Let me know if you want another piece."

"Here, this should help wash that pink stuff down," Taishi handed him the caramel apple, pointedly ignoring Minami as he did.

Arima nodded his thanks then saw Minami begin to consume the rest of her cotton candy greedily as she twirled and moved forward briskly. He wondered how much longer it would be before the girl excused herself to cough it all back up.

Taishi nudged his arm. "Hurry up and eat that!" We've gotta get started on those rides."

Arima obliged the boy and took a bite of the apple, the sour and salty flavors blending pleasantly.

He fell in step with his companions, gazing at his surroundings as he took a moment to enjoy himself, the ease of which was still so strange to him. Enjoyment never came so easy as it had these past few weeks. It was nice to slow down and breathe for a change.

The sky was exceptionally dark, the heavy clouds he'd seen earlier blocking out the stars and moon, though its crescent shape was faintly visible. The chill in the air was now sharp and biting, piercing the thin wool of his sweater. He considered that a hot drink might've been a better order. Maybe a cider.

Shifting his eyes at the sound of laughter, he saw a group of children tossing popcorn at a group of pigeons, who were cooing and fluttering their wings excitedly. The children's young faces were bright, open, and full of life. It brought a smile to Arima's face and he immediately felt a fond, spreading warmth take space in his chest.

A warmth which just as swiftly vanished at the sound of Minami's voice.

"This is the one," she declared, staring up at a tall tower.

Apparently she had decided against waiting for their food to settle after all.

_I see,_ Arima thought. _So that's how she plans to do this._

It was clever. But then, he could hardly expect any different from their own Lantern, could he?

Arima stepped up beside her and tilted his head back to see a group of people strapped horizontally and slowly ascending into the air. It moved higher and higher before suddenly pausing, suspended there as the passengers dangled their feet.

He heard the faint catch in Minami's breath before the ride released the passengers and they plummeted swiftly toward the ground, a chorus of screams following.

"_Yeah!"_ Taishi clapped his hands together, "let's do it."

"Yes," the girl pumped a fist into the air before glancing sideways at him. "Arima-kun?"

He blinked down at her before nodding, "alright. I'm fine with it."

The excited holler from Taishi brought a smile to his face before he turned to follow the pair into another line.

It moved slowly, but Arima didn't mind. He absently listened to a discussion between his classmates about which were the very best carnival rides.

And despite wondering how many of Minami's opinions were truly genuine, there was something delightfully ordinary to the moment.

"Roller coasters are classic," Taishi stated confidently.

"No, the Ferris wheel is better and _way_ more classic."

"It's boring."

"I like being able to savor things."

"Oh? Like you savored all that cotton candy you scarfed down just now?"

"You said to hurry!"

"There's hurrying and then there's what _you_ did. I bet you 10 bucks you vomit it all up right after the ride, piglet."

Arima smirked a little at the turn in conversation but kept his mouth shut.

"Fine," she answered crossing her arms. "_Right_ after or you lose."

"Sure, whatever."

They handed off their tickets and stepped up to sit on the ride, Arima sitting between Taishi and Minami. It admittedly made him uneasy whenever the two were too close. He had no idea when the girl might strike, but he was determined that it would be _him_ she attacked.

"First thrill ride,buddy!" Taishi offered a thumbs up. "Don't get too scared while we're up there."

Arima only closed his eyes and smiled at the jab, giving his head a slight shake.

"First thrill ride, first taste of cotton candy," Minami voiced. "Did you have no fun at all before coming here, Arima-kun?"

His eyes opened and he glanced over to see her lean her head back against the seat, swinging her feet casually.

"No, not really."

She only offered a vaguely sympathetic look before the ride began to rise, the ground moving further away beneath them.

Arima shifted his eyes down at the lights as they drifted above them and all the people scattering about. The wind was more fierce up higher like this and it unrelentingly whipped through his hair and sweater.

Then they stopped, the moment before the plunge, and Arima steadied himself, breathing out easily. A breathy laugh escaped Minami and from his other side Taishi grinned widely.

Then they dropped and a brief, electric surge of adrenaline shot through his veins — a bodily response he was very familiar with. It dissolved as quickly as the sweet confection had on his tongue and he loosened the clenched muscles in his hands as he let go of the shoulder grips.

Taishi screamed loudly and Minami lifted her hands straight into the air as a wide smile crossed her face. Her hair flew widely around her, the ends striking out against his cheek.

Arima's eyes fell to the ground again as it swiftly drew closer and he breathed in, the icy chill in the air filling his lungs as a curious sensation of aliveness took him before the ride jerked to an abrupt stop and the sensation faded.

The shoulder harness released them a moment later and they rose to step off the ride, Taishi letting out an exhale and a laugh as they did. Arima looked to him and was met with his gleaming, mirthful gaze.

The sensation from a moment ago prodded at him, but he couldn't seem to grasp it again, though it seemed to elusively take up residence in the eyes of his friend. It seemed always a part of Taishi. The boy was _brimming_ with liveliness.

A liveliness, it seemed, he was unable to draw into himself. It simply stared back at him, separate and beyond his reach.

_Friend, huh?_ He marveled at the newness of that truth.

"Enjoy it?" Taishi asked.

"I did," Arima offered a smile. "I can see why so many people like these things."

The taller boy nodded before suddenly looking past him. At the very same time, Arima heard a soft choking sound, followed by a gasp and he also turned, though he already knew what he would see.

He passively watched as Minami caught their stares, eyes widening as her hand flew up to cover her mouth, her other clenched over her stomach.

Taishi crossed his arms and shook his head, "well, well, well…look at that. Seems I'm about to be 10 bucks richer."

Hunched and face growing paler, Minami sucked in a breath before darting off toward the nearest restroom.

They watched her a moment, before Taishi sighed and moved to follow. "Come on then, let's go wait for her."

Arima wordlessly followed, being sure to keep his expression neutral. He was a little concerned over Taishi's obvious attachment to the girl and he wondered if it was cruel of him to have withheld the truth.

_Cruel or no, risking this assignment would be foolish._

He couldn't risk Taishi doing something reckless or giving anything away.

He heard the boy chuckle and met his eyes as he glanced back. "Sorry. Don't mean to laugh at her but," he shrugged, "told her so."

Arima sighed, closing his eyes somewhat dramatically. "She can be stubborn that way, can't she?"

Letting out a whistle, the other boy turned to lean against the concrete wall behind the restrooms. "You're tellin' me. Had no idea she'd turn out to be so bossy. It's always those sweet, unassuming types though, you know?"

_Do I ever?_ Arima thought as he raised a brow before turning to lean against the wall beside him.

"Well she's an excellent strategist," Arima offered. "It's been very helpful having her around."

Taishi nodded. "We're getting closer, I can feel it."

Arima lowered his head and closed his eyes before sighing. "Yes."

They waited in silence for a little while before they heard the light footsteps from around the corner.

Minami stumbled over, visibly shaken as she lifted a hand and rested it on the wall beside Arima.

Glancing down at her, he watched as she attempted a weak smile.

"The cold air feels good," she said hoarsely before turning to lean back, face lifting upward as the wind tugged at the damp hair across her forehead.

She breathed out and lifted a hand behind her neck.

Arima glanced away and Taishi suddenly pushed himself forward, stepping past him toward the girl.

He patted her shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yes," she answered in a small voice. "I am now."

"Well, don't worry about the money. You can make it up to me some other time."

She giggled, "that's nice of you, Fura-kun."

He shrugged. "I have my moments." Then his eyes suddenly lit up. "Hey! How 'bout you do your Ferris wheel next? That one's pretty tame."

"Yeah, that does sound nice."

"Cool. Uhm…do you two mind me sitting this one out though?"

Arima immediately glanced over at that, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Why?" Minami voiced, lying a hand over his arm, believable concern taking her expression.

"Well…" Taishi trailed off, looking slightly embarrassed as he rubbed his neck awkwardly. "There's just some…sensitive memories it might bring up."

_Ah, I see._ Arima thought. _This is about Aki._

"Oh," Minami answered, lowering her eyes. She then tightened her hand and, when she spoke again, her tone turned reassuring. "We don't have to go on it then! Not if it'll be hard for you."

"No, no," he waved his hands back and forth. "This isn't supposed to be about me. You go ahead. It's your favorite." He then looked past her to Arima. "You don't mind taking her, do you?"

Arima glanced to the ghoul a moment before shaking his head, "of course not. I'd be happy to."

"…thank you," she answered, nervous-sounding, eyes flitting up briefly before quickly shifting to the side.

A flash of lightning suddenly illuminated the sky followed by a low growl of thunder and Taishi hastily nudged Minami's shoulder. "You better get going. Storm's on its way. Wouldn't want you getting caught in the rain up there."

"Right," she answered, determined, before reaching back and grabbing Arima's hand. "Let's go!"

His eyes widened, shocked by her abruptness. "Wait-"

"No time for that," she darted forward, tugging him along.

"I'll meet you guys over by the Go-Karts!" Taishi called.

Arima sent him a brief glance, before looking to the girl who was weaving them through the crowd. Eyes shifting down, he moved to pull his hand back, but she held on with remarkable strength and he wasn't about to use his own strength on something so trivial.

_That's twice now she's caught me off guard._

First with the cotton candy and now this. Was she testing him in some way? Seeing if she _could_ catch him by surprise? If so, he had already revealed it was possible. Which could arguably work to his advantage if she felt she could take him on, yet he also had to make sure he saw it coming when the moment arrived.

She liked to use tactics he wasn't used to. Stepping into his personal space in ways he wasn't prepared for.

_I have to start expecting it,_ he scolded himself. _No more slip-ups._

"Almost there," Minami breathed, glancing back to him with an apologetic-looking expression. "Can't you go any faster, Arima-kun?"

He smiled slightly and moved to match her pace, though allowed her to continue taking the lead.

The sounds and scenery of the carnival muddled together, like something abstract as Arima kept up with the ghoul. The night air slammed into him with a savage chill, freezing his insides as he breathed it in.

Yet it wasn't such an unwelcome thing. It was strangely energizing. The single point of warmth was Minami's hand and she gripped him tighter as if feeling the same thing.

+.+.+.+.+.+

_Round and round like a horse on a carousel we go.  
__Will I catch up to love? I could never tell.  
__I know c__hasing after you is like a fairytale,  
__But I f__eel like I'm glued on tight to this carousel...  
__Why did you steal my cotton candy heart?_


	3. Ferris Wheel

**II**  
**Ferris Wheel**

_Let that sink in  
__You can think again  
__When the hand you wanna hold is a weapon and  
__You're nothin' but skin  
_

+.+.+.+.+.+

Another grumble of thunder sounded as they reached the Ferris wheel and came to a stop, lightning piercing the sky behind the bright circle. It moved slowly and paused to linger every few moments before continuing.

Taishi was right, it _was_ tame. Arima wondered why Minami favored it. If she had, in fact, been telling the truth.

"The line's pretty short," the girl announced breathlessly. "I think we might make it."

She led them over, slower now, and they calmly stopped behind a smaller group. Arima glanced over to see her still staring up at the Ferris wheel, free hand held against her neck as an easy smile lingered.

Through her wrist, he could feel her pounding pulse, so like his. He wasn't sure he'd ever felt a ghoul's before and he admittedly found the lack of difference startling.

Even in the Garden…even there, he'd only ever been close enough to fight or kill the ones he'd been ordered to, stealing their pulse away yet never actually feeling it run alive.

"Minami-san," he muttered quietly.

"Hm?" She glanced to him, looking stunned. Like he'd woken her.

He glanced to their hands purposefully. "You can let go now."

"Ah!" She released him immediately and took a step away. "Right, sorry."

She bent her head and he watched as a very real blush crossed her face.

The array and genuine nature of her emotional responses was perplexing.

_What_ was she playing at?

…_was_ she playing?

He willingly ignored that question as a sprinkle of cold rain touched his arm, followed by a few more. Looking up, the stray droplets fell onto his glasses, obscuring his vision.

"Oh no…" she said from beside him. "We _didn_'t make it."

Arima considered his next words heavily as he stared at the sky.

He could very easily get out of going on the ride. All he had to do was agree with her statement.

But then…why _not_ go on it? He had nothing in particular against it.

He glanced sideways and down at her, tilting his head.

"I don't mind the rain."

She glanced up quickly, first surprised and then uncertain. "…are you sure?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "It's up to you."

She offered a smile and nodded, "okay, yeah. I don't mind either."

He simply returned her nod before looking away and toward the ride as it came to another stop. The condensation slid down his glasses then dropped to the pavement at his feet.

"It is an indescribable sensation," he heard her softly say beside him, "that of revolving through such a vast orbit in a bird cage."

Arima looked down at her and she lifted her gaze to his. He quirked a brow curiously and she smiled.

"A reporter named Robert Graves said that about the first Ferris Wheel in 1893."

He blinked and tilted his head, thinking the words over. He was sure they held some insight that would explain her fascination with the ride.

"Makes you think, doesn't it?" She said, correctly reading his face before she looked up at the revolving wheel again. "The world is so vast, but we're caged just like that, aren't we? Always trapped in ourselves."

Arima's eyes flicked to the ride briefly before falling to the girl again.

_What do I do with this?_

Rather than answering that question, he considered her words as he would if they'd been delivered by anyone else.

She was right, after all. He certainly felt caged in, unable to touch the vastness of all that surrounded him.

"It does," he nodded. "Make you think."

She sighed then let out a laugh, "I'm sorry, Arima-kun. I'm taking this too seriously, aren't I?"

"Maybe but…" he shrugged again. "It doesn't bother me or anything."

"You're really kind."

He didn't respond to that, unsure if he even could.

They were ushered onto the ride a moment later and took their seat. Minami held the bar in front of them while Arima propped an elbow against the side and lowered his chin to rest on his palm as he stared up at the sky.

They rose higher, travelling closer to the top at a crawling pace. The wind whipped at him fiercely as they gained higher altitude and the drops of rain turned to a steady, frozen drizzle.

The lights and people fell away beneath them again, and Arima suddenly experienced a surge of isolation as a clap of thunder roared, sounding closer now, and lightning outlined the jagged shapes of the clouds against the dark sky holding them.

His fist clenched beneath his chin before he slowly turned his head, only to immediately tense as he caught Minami watching him. Her hair was damp in the rain and she held her arms around her waist as she tilted her head. Another flash of lightning brightened her features and her ghoulish nature was suddenly present in her eyes as that dangerous glint passed through them again.

He slowly lowered his arm, wondering if she was about to take this opportunity to attack. He prepared himself for it.

"Arima-kun…"

"Hm?"

He held her gaze firmly and she held on until the edge in her eyes softened and she looked away with another blush. "…nevermind."

His mouth parted as his brows creased.

More confusing than her behavior was his reaction to the realization that she wasn't about to strike.

He was relieved.

Her words from a moment ago came back to him, disturbingly clawing at his mind

Caged. Trapped in herself. A ghoul in a human world. Caged by what she was.

_What if…?_ He thought before he stopped himself.

He couldn't question it now. It would change too much. There _were_ no "what if's" when it came to ghouls.

_But…what if?_ His mind whispered again, rebelliously.

What if there were some humanity in her? What then? If she didn't eventually attack him or Taishi, unlikely as that was, what would he do? What would it mean?

He risked observing her from that perspective, taking in the profile of her turned face as she stared up at the violent, angry sky.

He observed her as he had never observed a ghoul before. As a _person_.

She began swinging her legs and lifted a hand to sweep her hair behind her ear before she noticed his stare and blinked in silent question.

_What if she is genuine and none of this is a game?_

She was still Lantern, she was still terrorizing their classmates in the streets, mercilessly devouring them.

And he had still been assigned to deal with it.

But the knowledge that there might be some humanity there complicated all of it.

_They're vicious, cunning, heartless monstrosities,_ he recalled what he had always been told. _The natural enemy of human beings._

Arima had never been quite sure where he fell on that spectrum, given his own roots, yet in the Garden — a sanctuary for the offspring of a ghoul and human being — it had always been made very clear that those like him were born predominately human and were considered gifted with abilities to aid the human race in their defense against the ghouls who indiscriminately preyed on them.

There _were_ ghoul children in the Garden as well, but his kind had always been separate from them. They'd been told the ghouls were there for the sole purpose of research.

A stirring, sickening suspicion began to prick at the edges of his intuition and Arima glanced away to compose himself.

He was letting Minami get under his skin. Was he really going to allow one ghoul to unravel his upbringing? The very purpose of his existence?

No. Even if it was true…it didn't change what he had to do.

_And if she doesn't attack?_

Arima couldn't seem to suppress the questions and he calmly closed his eyes to regain control.

And then the drizzle of rain became a downpour, cutting through his sweater and the shirt beneath, running down his skin and soaking through his hair.

He welcomed the distraction and began to shiver before looking up to the sky and at the thunderstorm now raging around him.

The sound of protesting shouts and shrieks sounded from the other passengers and Arima finally glanced over to see Minami grinning up at the sky, her eyes closed. The rain poured down on her face and the lightning revealed an authentic look of bliss.

She finally straightened and noticed him before laughing in embarrassment as she lifted a shoulder shyly and glanced down.

He nearly shook his head, eyes narrowing as he took her in.

How could that ghoul he'd seen, taking such ecstasy in the pain and blood of her peers, be the same…_person_ as the girl sitting beside him?

And which was she really? The monster trying to deceive him or the girl caged inside of it?

He turned his head and wearily lifted a hand to remove his glasses to shake off the condensation. He blinked slowly, eyes tired before he sighed and began to lift the glasses again. However, he instantly stilled as he felt Minami move forward and place a hand over his arm.

He glanced sideways, mentally preparing himself again, before he saw her smirk softly.

"I never see you without your glasses."

Arima lowered his hand, glasses still held there and raised his head to stare down at her fully. He wasn't sure what she was trying to see, but didn't see the harm in obliging her.

It did feel strange though. Without the window he'd grown accustomed to watching the world behind, he was reminded how unclear everything was. It was all entirely blurred save for the girl who was the sole point of detail.

"Hm…" she leaned forward, peering closer.

Her eyes didn't leave his and she tilted her head, seeming to be searching still.

Her breath was cold and visible as it left her mouth and fell over him, bringing with it the sugar sweet of the cotton candy she'd eaten as well as something faintly and disturbingly metallic.

"Maybe you could see things more clearly this way…" she mused in a quiet, distracted voice.

He blinked. "What'd you mean?"

She only smiled a secret smile. Like she'd just told him an inside joke.

He searched her eyes for an answer, the warm brown giving nothing away. They only reflected his searching.

He was suddenly struck with something. Something new.

It flickered and inspired, taking residence inside and forcing a sensation of wonder. Like seeing the world for the first time.

It was hope.

Hope that Minami wouldn't choose to attack. That'd she'd prove him wrong. That she'd change it all and bring something more to his empty purpose. That there _would_ be more to what he'd been told.

That there'd be new dimensions to the world that he hadn't discovered. That this bleak, black and white canvas wasn't all there was.

_Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky._

Those words came back to him and he reached out as they did, for once not entirely sure of the objective of his actions as he circled his hand around her wrist, to where her pulse danced.

She had gone still as he moved, seeming to be caught off guard the way she'd been doing to him all night.

Her pulse quickened and he saw fear flash through her eyes. It confirmed that she knew exactly who he was.

He didn't want to have to take that pulse.

_Don't put me in that position,_ he suddenly looked intently at her, silently trying to reach her with his thoughts.

To reach the person she was holding ransom.

He decided then that he would leave it up to her. That he'd give her the choice. If she attacked, he wouldn't hesitate, but he wouldn't make a move against her until then, assignment or not.

He wanted to serve what was true here and he hoped Minami would reveal it to him, one way or another.

Then, as if she were attempting to take back some control of the situation, the girl leaned closer still and he stared down at her as she paused, her breath passing over his mouth before she slowly pressed her lips to his.

Arima didn't move at first, the particular sensation unfamiliar and strange. But he went with it. Strangest of all, he felt his own pulse quicken the moment she'd done it.

And there also was that intangible thing again. That liveliness he'd felt earlier, taking him and lingering this time.

But then Minami drew back, eyes downcast, and it began to fade.

Arima didn't know what the elusive sensation meant but he chased it anyway as he moved his hand to lift her face. He watched her eyes widen with surprise as he leaned toward her and met her lips again.

The liveliness returned at once, flaring and sparking in his chest and bringing the faintest color to the black and white canvas he'd been living in.

He closed his eyes, giving himself to the sensations around him. The rain, the motion of the ride as it slowly descended, the clapping thunder, and _her_. This enigmatic person.

When she drew back and he opened his eyes, she was searching again before seeming to find what she'd been looking for.

"There it is," she said in a quiet voice. "What was missing."

And he wondered if his eyes looked the same as Taishi's — if she could see that lively feeling too.

It was already fading, never something to be held onto by him and as it did he lowered his hand away from her and sat back.

Minami blushed deeply as if just now realizing what she'd said, what she'd _done_, and looked away.

"I'm so sorry, Arima-kun. I'm not being myself."

He covered his eyes with his glasses and smiled slightly.

"Neither am I, it seems."

In so many ways.

They didn't speak for the remainder of the ride and Minami kept her distance as they stepped off and moved through the carnival again.

They sloshed through puddles of water, the wind nearly excruciating as it bit against their wet skin.

"How about something hot to drink?" Arima offered as he watched Minami shivering and failing to keep herself warm.

"Oh, uhm," she nodded, still not meeting his eyes. "Alright."

He led them to a beverage cart and was relieved to find there was no one else in line. The carnival was clearing out rather quickly as people dashed around to find shelter.

"What would you like?"

"A coffee," she answered in a small voice. "No cream or sugar."

"Right," he smirked knowingly, before turning to place her order.

"And I'll have one with cream," he added.

The man prepared the drinks quickly and when he handed them over Arima was almost reluctant to turn and leave the warmth coming from the cart.

Prying himself away, he stepped to Minami, handing her the styrofoam cup.

"Thank you, Arima-kun."

He only nodded and took a sip from his own cup, slightly grimacing as he did. The heat was nice as it slid down his throat, but the quality was truly awful.

And despite her embarrassment over what had happened between them, Minami giggled.

"Is it bad?"

"Well…" he began as he peered down at the creamy liquid, narrowing his eyes and trying to offer something optimistic. "It's warm."

He glanced over and smiled sympathetically as the girl drank from hers. She didn't grimace, but she nodded.

"Yes…that's a shame. I usually love coffee. This tastes like the stuff they have at school."

He almost chuckled as he turned to continue moving through the nearly empty carnival. "I usually grab something on the way, but if I'm desperate, yes, I'll drink it. It can be hard to stay awake without it sometimes."

"I have lots of energy."

"I've noticed."

"…which means I don't have much of an excuse for drinking school coffee."

"You don't," he answered flatly, though amused.

They fell quiet again, sipping from the warmth of the coffee. Arima found that his questions were silent too and that some sort of certainty was replacing them. There were many things now to try and understand, but he was increasingly aware of the need to reach that understanding.

Up ahead, he saw the G_o-Karts_ track and the bright orange hair of the boy standing there waiting for them.

Arima's eyes fell to the girl beside him as she also saw Taishi, glint passing through her gaze again.

In spite of what he hoped and the new observations he'd made of her, even in spite of the attachment he was guilty of too…he had a haunting suspicion that she'd still give in to her ghoulish nature and that he'd still have to steal the life from her.

_But the choice is yours, Minami._

The hope that she'd defy even his own suspicions was overwhelming and he tightened his hand around the cup he held.

+.+.+.+.+.+

_No escaping from the road behind  
The path ahead goes left or right  
Stay  
Tell me all the words I cannot speak  
Tell me how to make you see  
Tell me how I even begin_


	4. Reflection

**III**  
**Reflection**

_Maybe there is hunger in my blood,  
screaming out loud for what I want.  
See me running full speed at it  
...now it's do or die._

+.+.+.+.+.+

\- _Minami -_

He made her so _furious_!

She could feel his eyes on her again, as they almost always seemed to be. It was like he was always watching. Always waiting.

Did he know? There were times she was convinced she had him fooled and then there were times when she wasn't so sure. He was frustratingly hard to read.

But those eyes. They were so cold and calculating, so distant and ruthless.

If only they weren't. If only he always looked as he had up on the Ferris wheel after kissing her. Then maybe he could see. Maybe he could understand.

Maybe he could stand aside and let her live the life she wanted most.

People like him were the _reason_ she couldn't live a normal life.

_Even if he stands aside though…_ anger and want stirred in her chest as her ghoulish appetite spoke. _Him being here at all ruins everything!_

Because when he was close, when he was watching, she could hardly contain herself.

He was so incredible, that she just _had_ to have him and pretending that she didn't was _so_ frustrating and difficult.

She couldn't wait to take him on. To feel the pleasure of consuming the life from him. To take him in as part of herself.

It was such a risk…she could end up dead…but it was worth it! There was just no way she could ignore his intensity!

Especially not now. Now that she'd had a taste of him.

Her heart thundered savagely in her chest as she thought of the moment. The moment she could sink her teeth beneath his skin and his taste flowed into her mouth until there was nothing left of him but what had become part of her.

She sighed softly, fighting to keep her expression from betraying her and she turned her head to meet his eyes, feeling the flush of desire on her face.

She resented him for doing this to her, but she also _loved_ that he had.

Her most human side whispered things too…sweet, beautiful things. Whispers she desperately wished were stronger. Things Arima also managed to call to.

She liked that she had brought life into his eyes. She liked watching him experience new things. The wonder it brought him. She liked the way he spoke and the things he spoke _of_. That attentive, inquisitive way he sometimes stared at her.

She enjoyed her time with him and Fura-kun. She liked pretending they were all human.

She wanted to bring the life to him, she wanted to _destroy_ him, and she wanted to make him part of her.

She hated him, craved him, and adored him.

And the fact that she couldn't possibly satisfy all three of those desires made her angry.

She wanted all of it. A simple, normal life, Arima to be part of it, and _also_ for him to pay for being so willing to take it all from her.

Fura-kun whistled when they walked up to him, shaking his head.

"Whoa! You two must be miserable."

At least this boy was more straightforward. He was vengeful and she understood that. Her feelings for him were simple. He was endearing, but also expendable.

If she had to, she was willing to put his life on the line to get to Arima. She had a feeling she was going to have to.

And then her misery would end. Arima would be part of her, hidden away where he could no longer torment her.

_Never to look at me or speak to me again,_ she thought as her chest constricted sadly, contradicting her venomous anger.

"Not entirely miserable," Arima said from beside her. "It was an experience."

She looked up and his eyes met hers briefly before his attention was on Fura-kun again.

She flushed and her fist clenched as she held it over her chest, where her heart had ridiculously begun to pound harder.

What her appetite wanted was easier to handle, but what her humanity felt was its own kind of torture.

And it disappointed her how little say it had. The thing she wanted most…to live a human life, was something Arima reminded her she couldn't really have.

That she was only playing.

He called to every side, and the ghoul — the creature she truly was — would win.

_And it will be glorious!_ It shouted, bringing a hidden smirk to her face. _He'll be caged inside of you forever._

"Well cool!" Fura motioned to the ride behind them. "You guys still up to this?" He ducked his head, trying to see Minami's face. "You feeling any better?"

She looked up quickly, eyes darting up at Arima then back again, before she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Mhm! Yes…much better."

"Great!" Fura grinned before turning and motioning a hand. "Come on then. I'm about to leave you both in the dust!"

Minami's eyes closed affectionately as she smiled. What a strange person he was!

"Is that so?" Arima quirked a challenging brow. "So confident."

"It's my greatest trait."

"I see."

"I'm picking up on a judgy tone there, _Kishou_."

"That's strange."

Fura-kun laughed and threw an arm around Arima as Minami shivered when a strong gust of wind swept past.

She walked beside them, yet felt so separate. They were part of another world. They were so damn _lucky_.

"Brrr," Fura-kun shuddered. "That wind sure stings, huh? Wish our jackets weren't soaked."

The rain was dying down now, the downpour turning soft. Minami hung her head a little, watching the ripples in the puddles they walked through.

She began to lose herself in watching the reflections too, the distorted lights from above, when she suddenly slammed right into Fura from behind, spilling her coffee over herself and the back of his jacket. He turned to steady her, reaching both hands out to her shoulders. They were really warm.

"Oh!" Her hands flew up over her mouth, eyes wide. "I'm so sorry, Fura-kun!"

"Hey, no biggie!" He shrugged. "At least it wasn't still hot."

She only nodded, feeling the warmth of embarrassment rise up her neck.

"Are you alright?" Arima asked from Fura's other side.

"Yes," she muttered.

_Don't look at me like I'm helpless!_

"Tough day for you," Fura moved his hands, his warmth, away.

Minami sighed. "A little."

"We should probably call it a night after this ride, huh?"

"…maybe. I'm really cold."

Arima nodded, "it's probably for the best."

"Yeah," Fura-kun agreed. "We can't be getting sick."

He then turned and led them around the side of the track to where the line was and Minami began rubbing her arms as they came to a stand still. Moving was definitely nicer than this.

"Regrets?"

Minami's brows creased and she glanced up at Arima quickly as he stepped over to stand near her. As always, his proximity stirred the raving hunger inside.

"Huh?"

His arm faintly brushed hers as he placed his hands in his pockets. It sent a fresh jolt beneath her skin.

"The Ferris wheel. Do you regret the decision to go on in the rain?"

"Oh…" she glanced down at her feet, watching his reflection in the water. "Do _you_?"

"No. Not at all, actually."

She raised her head and looked to him, seeing his soft expression as his eyes narrowed in an uncommonly fond way.

Something was different about the way he was looking at her. She wasn't sure what it was exactly and it was so subtle that it nearly wasn't there at all.

She thought again of the way his eyes had looked on the ride, the vivid energy, and she smiled.

Her humanity didn't regret it.

Then she thought of the taste of him and sighed softly.

The ghoul didn't either.

The only part of her that did was the very primitive, cold and uncomfortable part.

But that part didn't matter so much.

"…that's good, Arima-kun. I don't either."

As he continued to stare, she got the impression that he was trying to communicate something. It confused her.

What was he trying to say?

_Does it matter?_ Her angry, ravenous voice asked.

The gently whispered response to that was lost in the roar of her more dominant urges and she tilted her head at Arima.

_And I also won't regret what's coming next, although…_ she fought to keep herself in control as her mind sang. _You might!_

What a plot twist that the damsel would turn around and destroy the knight who'd saved her!

+.+.+.+.+.+

_Retrace my lips, erase your touch.  
__It's all too much for me, blow away like smoke in air.  
How can you die carelessly?  
Our love is six feet under.  
I can't help but wonder if our grave was watered by the rain...  
And all of these clouds crying us back to life,  
but you're cold as a knife_.


	5. Light

**IV**  
**Light**

_I get lost all the time  
__In my thoughts, in my mind  
__You come through like a light i__n the dark,  
give me sight_

+.+.+.+.+.+

\- _Arima -_

_There it is again._

He saw her fleeting look, the barely visible edge in her eyes. A look that would kill if it could.

Withholding a sigh, Arima lowered his own eyes and lingered beside her another moment before moving to follow Taishi onto the track.

When they were all seated and motioned to go, Taishi took off straight away and Arima calmly followed, looking for an opening to pass him up.

The wind was harshest here as they sped against it, stabbing deep with its chill.

Arima focused his eyes, relaxing any tension. He began closing in on Taishi as the boy focused only on speed rather than sticking to the innermost layer of the track.

He glanced swiftly to his right as Minami came into view, looking determined. Her motions were loose and unhurried, her mouth pulled into a smirk.

She swerved further to the right, then used the momentum to veer back toward him, coming dangerously close to the side of his car.

She met his eyes sharply before blinking, seeming to remember herself. Her hand flew over her mouth in astonishment and she slowed down immediately.

Arima lifted a brow before smiling and accelerating past her, gaining on Taishi as he did.

The boy glanced back at him and grinned, shaking his head.

"You'll have to do better than that!"

Arima's smile widened as he glanced to the puddles on the track, quickly forming a strategy.

With a swift jerk of the wheel, Arima flung the car to the side, striking the water and sending it into a frictionless spin.

Taishi cursed and hastily moved aside while Arima maneuvered the car patiently, calmly straightening it out and speeding out ahead of his friend, solidly taking the lead.

They passed the line at the end and, as they got out, Taishi ran up while shaking his head, grin still wide.

"You crazy ass!"

Arima shrugged, "desperate times."

"Well," the boy blew out a breath. "Nice job."

Minami rushed up to join them then, look of concern on her face. "Are you two _okay_?! You both could've been seriously hurt."

"Of course we're okay. This is nothin' compared to our usual activities." Taishi nudged Arima, "isn't that right, partner?"

Arima glanced between them, before his eyes settled on Minami. "All the same, I'm sorry to have worried you."

Taishi tilted his head at Arima's response, staring at him curiously.

Minami only nodded as she wrung her hands together and walked past. "Okay, well…let's just get going."

Arima turned to follow and Taishi wordlessly fell in step beside him.

After several moments of silence, Arima finally sighed. "What is it?"

"Nothin'," Taishi shrugged, casually kicking up some water on the ground. "Just think it's interesting you decided to take my advice after all."

"Advice?"

"About being nicer to Minami."

"Oh. That."

Taishi looked up, grateful smile in place.

"I'm glad you did, but what changed your mind?"

Arima's eyes shifted above the rims of his glasses, to where the girl was adjusting the strap of her bag before flinging her hair behind her. A strange halo of light outlined her figure — an effect from the drizzle of rain and the streetlamps they were passing under.

She was a living lantern, guiding him down a path he hadn't known was there.

"She did."

Taishi let out a breath. "Huh…so you two talked about it?"

"No."

The taller boy scratched his head. "Oh. Then I don't get it. You seemed so closed off to the suggestion the other day."

Arima smiled up at him fondly. "There are other forms of communication."

"Hm…alright. Guess it doesn't matter so much how it happened. That's between you."

"I appreciate that."

Taishi raised a brow, still observing him and Arima offered a slight shake of his head.

The front of the carnival came into view, the familiar stack of jack-o-lantern's piled beside it.

Arima saw that Minami once again had stopped, but her eyes weren't focused on the pumpkins this time. Her attention was on the circle of children standing beside them.

"What's all the commotion about?" Taishi asked as he came up behind her.

Arima stopped at her side, analyzing the scene.

They were a group of boys, all circled around the one who was smallest.

The small one was clutching something close to his chest, head bowed as the others pestered him to hand it over.

"Come on!"

"We just wanna take a look at it!"

"Why would you bring a boring ol' book to the fair anyway?"

"Only a nerd would do that!"

Taishi clicked his tongue and Minami gasped while Arima watched with a passive expression, though his chest twisted in sympathy for the child.

The boy stood there motionless only a moment longer before darting forward and shoving past one of them, dashing away as quickly as he could. However, in his attempt to flee, he ran straight into the stack of pumpkins, tumbling down with them into the mud.

His book flew from his hands and landed face down beside him.

The other children roared in laughter and Arima watched Minami's eyes narrow as she clenched a fist, fury flowing.

Then one of the boys stooped to grab the fallen book and Minami marched forward, visibly shaking.

"Don't you dare touch that," she warned sternly.

Arima followed swiftly, placing a hand over the girl's shoulder and effectively halting her.

"Minami-san," he said lowly, eyes shifting nervously to the group of kids. He didn't like the way she was looking at them.

Fortunately Taishi also moved forward, crossing his arms as he did, and staring down at the boys with a look of authority.

"Alright, that's enough. Time to leave him alone."

They exchanged a glance, seeming to size Taishi up before quickly running off, leaving the smaller kid behind.

Arima slid his hand off Minami's shoulder, then glanced over to the small child, who was heaving with sobs as he pushed himself onto his hands and knees.

Arima moved around his companions, walking over and feeling his eyes soften as he stopped and tilted his head.

He lowered himself onto one knee and smiled warmly when the boy lifted his head, meeting his steady gaze with the wide, teary set of his eyes.

There wasn't anything remarkable about the way he looked — dull gray eyes and dark, flat hair — but there was something curious about him. Some sad sort of intelligence.

It reminded him of the look some of the other children had in the Garden. The ones who took their existence especially hard.

Arima extended his hand, offering it openly.

The child looked to his palm nervously, untrustingly. A flicker of fear crossed his face, a reaction that Arima found unsettling.

"It's alright," Arima assured him gently. "Will you let me help you up?"

After hesitating another moment, the boy's eyes lowered in shame and he raised his hand, settling it lightly in Arima's.

Grasping carefully, Arima stood and guided him to his feet. He watched then as the boy shivered in the cold and looked away, seeming hesitant now to let go of him.

For a hold so fragile, he found that he was more unable to withdraw his hand now than he'd been when Minami held it.

_What sort of tragedy have I stumbled upon here?_

He looked up at the sound of footsteps and saw Minami stoop to retrieve the fallen book. She stared down at it a moment before offering a kind smile to the boy as she walked over to hand it to him.

"This must be very special to you."

The boy nodded, still not lifting his eyes as he reached up to take it.

"There's a lot of monsters in real life too, aren't there?" She said, tilting her head and running a finger over the strap of her bag. A distant smile crossed her face as she quoted:

_"Plenty of humans were monstrous, and plenty of monsters knew how to play at being human."_

Her eyes slowly shifted to Arima's, critical and piercing. He blinked and lifted a brow. Her implication was direct. She believed him monstrous.

Was she wrong?

"_Okay_, I think that's enough," Taishi placed his hands on her shoulders. "You don't wanna go scaring the kid now."

"Ah!" Her hand flew over he mouth as she reddened, eyes darting to the boy. "I'm so sorry!"

Taishi chuckled and also looked to the kid. "You look cold. Want something hot to drink?"

"Good idea!" Minami held up a finger. "What'd you like? Cider? Cocoa?"

"Uhm," the boy spoke for the first time, voice soft and timid. "I-it's okay. I don't need anything."

"Aw, come on," Taishi urged. "I don't mind. I was about to get something for myself anyway."

"…I like coffee."

"_Coffee_?!"

Arima shifted his eyes to his friend and Taishi met his stare before sighing and nodding.

"Coffee it is! I'll be right back." He glanced to where the boy held Arima's hand before looking up, "since he seems so attached to you, why don't you stay with the kid?"

He reached up to steer Minami away with him. "And how 'bout _you_ help _me_? Don't want you saying any more scary things."

The girl gasped, "what?! Was what I said really so bad?"

"Maybe. Seems like a pretty timid little guy."

Minami continued to protest as their voices faded. Arima watched them disappear into the carnival lights before he looked down at the boy beside him.

The child was also watching them, uncertainty the only expression on his face.

"Would you like to sit?" Arima finally asked.

The boy blinked and glanced in his direction, though his eyes remained low. Then they widened a little as he seemed to remember his hand was being held and he immediately drew it away before looking to the bench behind them and nodding.

Arima turned to cross the stretch of pavement, the boy trailing quietly behind him.

He sat and the child hesitated before doing the same, seeming to keep as much space between them as he could.

Arima continued to observe him, mouth pulling into a sad smile. The boy's face and nose were flushed and chapped from the cold, the wind mercilessly pulling at his hair. He held the book tighter, breaths fast and flowing clearly from his mouth.

"Are you alright?"

"…yeah," he answered after a pause. His eyes lowered to the book and he ran a hand over it. "I-I'm just glad it wasn't ruined. I…was worried it would be."

Arima angled his head to try and see the title.

"Dracula?" He voiced.

It was a strange choice for such a young child. Then again, he'd also read it when he was small.

It seemed Minami's pointed line wasn't so out of the blue after all.

"…have you read it?" The child asked.

"I have."

The boy lifted his head slightly, obviously interested, but still didn't look up. Arima could finally see a bit of liveliness sparking on the boy's face though. "It's one of my favorites. My dad gave it to me."

"I see."

"Is it…I mean, do you have a favorite?"

Arima chuckled, "me? No." He turned his head and lifted his eyes to the clouds that were finally starting to disperse. "I'm afraid I would never be able to choose. I've read so many and am very fond of them all."

"How many?"

Arima shrugged, "maybe hundreds."

"Hundreds..." the boy breathed.

Shifting his gaze downward, he caught the boy's stare. The boy glanced away quickly, paused, then slowly glanced back up.

Arima tilted his head at the wonder he saw there. It always surprised him that he was somehow capable of inspiring that. It was the same for many of the younger children in the Garden. It was as if all they really wanted was someone to talk to. Someone to connect with.

Was this boy as deprived of that as they were?

As _he_ had been before meeting Taishi and Minami?

He was gripped by a sudden, aching protectiveness of the boy. It was irrational yet somehow, oddly, fulfilling.

Another impulsive line entered his mind, sourced from the book the child held so tightly.

_There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights._

And that was the impression the boy gave, he realized. An inexplicable capability to illuminate. Arima didn't know how to explain the sudden sensation and he didn't know what it meant, but it was powerful.

Minami had illuminated a new path, but he somehow knew this boy was a different sort of light. Something more significant. Something life-giving. Like the sun.

_The light of all lights._

The boy was giving him a wary look and Arima was aware he was probably looking at him strangely. He blinked and glanced away, adjusting his glasses as he did.

The curious sensation faded but didn't disappear.

"You said your father gave you that book," he motioned toward it casually. "Is he around here somewhere?"

"…no. Just my mom. She's meeting me over here soon."

Arima gave him a brief, pitying look, recognizing that there was more to the story of his father. But he decided not to address it, knowing it wouldn't be his place.

He smiled warmly. "Will she mind me waiting here with you?"

The boy's face flushed. "I-I don't know. I hope not."

Arima nodded then softly sighed as he gazed out at the carnival. It was pleasant beside this boy.

The minutes passed in silence, but it was a welcome, comfortable silence.

At one point Arima glanced over and the boy did the same, before they both looked away again.

It was only a few seconds later that Arima saw Minami and Taishi approaching, both wearing bright smiles. They each held two cups, leading him to assume they'd gotten something for everyone.

"Here you go, kiddo," Taishi handed the coffee over.

The boy timidly reached up to take it, wrapping both hands firmly around it and lifting it to take a slow sip.

He offered a close-eyed smile. "It's really warm. Thank you!"

"Hey, don't mention it," Taishi shrugged as Arima smiled down at the boy.

"Cheers!" Minami lifted her own cup, a refill of the coffee she had spilled, it seemed. She took a sip then stepped toward Arima, holding her other hand out.

"Fura-kun got you a cider."

"Ah," he smiled, glancing to Taishi as he took it. "I had wanted one of these earlier, actually. Thank you."

"Sure thing, pal."

"I told him you weren't too fond of the coffee," Minami added.

"It isn't the best."

"I'm just a glutton for punishment I guess," she glanced to her cup before looking to the boy and tilting her head. "What do you think of it?"

The child's eyes widened as soon as he realized he was being spoken to and he flushed. "Uh-uhm…it's good! It's really good."

Minami giggled, holding a hand over her mouth. "Aww, you're such a sweetheart!"

The boy's flush deepened and he quickly looked down to stare into the dark liquid in his cup.

A cold gust of wind swept through and they collectively shuddered in response, gripping their styrofoam cups just a little tighter. Arima smiled, fully enjoying the sudden shared experience with the people around him.

All three had such life.

"This is nice," Minami sighed, giving voice to his thoughts.

He glanced up at her and she met his eyes, all warmth and energy.

Even knowing what he knew about her…it was almost…

_No, that isn't true. Not almost. It is…_

Pleasant.

She tilted her head, searching his eyes again, seeming to try and know his thoughts, and he faintly smiled at her.

"So how long you been drinking coffee?" He heard Taishi ask the boy beside him.

"…not very long."

"Huh."

He watched as Minami took a deep breath before looking away and down at the boy instead. A new question was there on her face and it took Arima a moment before he realized what it was she was questioning.

Arima also looked to the boy and observed him carefully, eyes shifting to the coffee wrapped between his hands.

He'd known ghouls who were children. Was _he_…?

The boy glanced up at him and blinked, gaze intense and full of something longing.

Arima felt warmth spread within his chest and a smile returned to his face.

_It isn't likely. And at this point…would it even matter?_

"You like cider at all?" Minami asked in a sugar sweet voice.

The boy's eyes darted to her and back to Arima. "…yes?"

"You should let him try yours, Arima-kun!" she urged.

Arima sent her a briefly unimpressed look.

_Very subtle, Minami._

But then he saw the excitement and hope dancing on her face and sighed before looking to the boy and extending his cup to him.

"Would you like to?"

"Oh…" the boy looked to the cup in his hand. "A-are you sure?"

Arima silently nodded.

The child very carefully moved closer to him and reached for it. He grabbed it lightly and hesitated before lifting it and taking a small sip.

His face beamed upon trying it and he lifted the cup to take another, longer taste.

"It's great," he said, handing the cup back to Arima before continuing sheepishly. "That's…well, it _is_ better than the coffee."

Arima chuckled at that. "That's very true."

"It's actually a _really_ good cup of cider," Taishi chimed in.

Arima's eye shifted back to Minami and he saw she was staring at his cider with an expression he could only describe as one of craving.

He suddenly understood why. He could see how "outside" she felt. Looking in on something she couldn't really be part of.

He was very familiar with the sensation and was suddenly gripped by an impulsive sense of pity for the girl.

A ghoul in a human world. Trapped in a revolving cage.

"Oh! There's my mom," the boy spoke as he jumped up from the bench, nearly spilling his coffee as he did.

He reached for his book and hugged it close to his chest as he smiled shyly at Taishi and Minami before turning back to Arima.

When he spoke, his voice was small, but hopeful, and Arima was again struck by the force of his light. "Maybe I'll see you here again and we could sit and talk about some more books."

The suggestion was so simple and unassuming; so innocent and unlikely. Arima was swept up in the fantasy of it a moment and he gazed fondly at the boy before giving an honest answer.

"I'd like that."

The boy smiled up at him and it was bright and unreserved.

_I do wonder if I'll ever see him again,_ Arima mused.

The boy turned to go, moving forward with noticeably more confidence in his steps than before. The change was quite remarkable.

"Wait," Arima stood and took a step forward. The boy stopped and turned, watching him curiously. "Kitahara Hakushū. He's a favorite poet of mine. You should read him sometime. If we ever happen to see each other again, let's talk about it."

The child's face brightened once again and he nodded. "Okay! I won't forget!"

He turned and continued toward a frail woman standing near the fallen stack of pumpkins. Arima watched him go, still unable to shake the significance of the boy.

He watched as he approached his mother, who appeared to scold him as she grabbed the coffee from his hand and tossed it into the nearby trash bin before leading him out through the gate.

Arima sighed as he watched the scene, feeling concerned as the boy disappeared with his mother. The protectiveness sprang up again but he fought it back, telling himself it was out of place.

"Hey, you alright, Arima?"

Arima looked to Taishi and nodded, pushing the strange feeling aside. "Yes, I'm fine."

His friend only gave him a look of reluctant acceptance before turning. "Ready to head out?"

"I think so. Minami-san?"

As his attention returned to her, he saw that she seemed to have recovered and she answered him with an enthusiastic nod.

"Mhm! I have that test to study for."

He answered her nod with one of his own before his eyes lowered at the faint catch of movement in the dark.

Crawling along the gravel toward him was a broken centipede. It seemed to struggle with every movement, yet its determination to survive drew it forward. The determination stirred something in him and he continued to watch the creature as a faint smile took the corner of his mouth.

He found himself admiring its will to live.

"What is that?" Minami took a step to his side and tilted her head.

"A centipede."

"Oh? It looks like it was stepped on or something. Is it going to make it?"

Her tone was conversational, but there was something sympathetic in her voice and Arima's hint of a smile widened as he glanced her way.

"I think it has a fair chance. Centipedes are one of the few creatures who can actually regrow their limbs."

"Ah, I see. Thats nice."

A silence fell between them as they watched the insect stop at Arima's foot. It paused there a curiously long moment and he heard Minami softly giggle before whispering.

"I think it likes you."

He only offered a quiet hum beneath his breath as he tilted his head and waited to see how it would proceed.

It slowly began to maneuver around him. The trek slow and, he imagined, quite painful.

"Poor thing," the girl clicked her tongue. "It's kind of beautiful though, isn't it? How hard it's trying."

_At evening the falling flowers of the willow Make a twilight, and through it The water surface appears, Reflecting the eyes of the daughter of the house._

Arima lifted his eyes to settle on the side of Minami's face. She was still watching the insect and there was a trace of awe in her gaze.

She was echoing some of his own thoughts again.

_While I felt myself caressed in your heart, Your face singularly pale, Suddenly one of the ripples changed its color And showed the eyes of an imaginary ogre._

Her eyes flicked his way then back again before drifting up more slowly once she noticed his attention was on her.

There was something so very human in her eyes just then. No dark, murderous intent. No bloodlust. Just softness and life.

_When I, frightened, stared at it, It turned silvery like a tiny minnow, Changed into a harmonica, into an oar, And back into the eyes of the girl._

There was something else too. Something he struggled to identify. Some sort of devotion on her face and its nature struck him as incredibly gentle. It was something warm and sweet.

Seeing her now, it was almost possible for him to believe she'd actually make a different choice.

_The willow flowers are falling on A dragon-fly-hunter by the gutter of the eaves, And my mind, tired, alone, Is softly caressed at the surface of the water._

And he was suddenly and curiously tempted to tilt his head and lean in toward her, closing the space between them as he'd done on the Ferris wheel.

"Hey, if you two are about done staring at that bug, we can head on out."

The urge vanished and Arima was grounded again. He glanced over to see Taishi heading toward the gate, a wide smirk in place.

"Oh! Sorry, Fura-kun," Minami gasped before stepping past Arima, flush glowing across her cheeks.

Arima spared the centipede a final glance before he turned to follow his companions.

They left the carnival behind, the lights and sounds dying away into the night. Drops of condensation fell away from the trees and onto the pavement, the icy chill continuing to beat at them as they moved.

And raw reality began to tear away at the little dream of life Arima had experienced that evening.

His eyes lifted to stare at Minami's back, resolve building in spite of what he had learned about her and the feelings of color she had brought him.

The girl had given him something invaluable and he had to prepare himself to return her gift by reaping all she had left.

_Hope, life, light…_  
_...despair, death, darkness._

An unfair trade.

But it was the choice he was resolved to make if she followed her current path.

_I'll hate myself for doing it, but…I won't forget what you've given me._

If he could somehow bring some justice to the world…somehow give ghouls like her a place to belong then…_maybe_. Maybe he could someday repay the debt he owed her.

His eyes shifted to Taishi and he thought of the young boy he'd sat with. For them too. Humans needed their place too.

_Would we ever be able to fully coexist?_

It seemed an impossible ambition but Arima felt a soaring inspiration at the thought. It elevated him above his darkening reality and brought the faintest bit of peace to his mind.

Even if impossible, the pursuit would not be a waste. There was nothing more important he could imagine living for.

The events of the carnival would be always a turning point in his life, he knew. That place which could never fully exist again would be held as a sacred memory where all the things he valued most were kept in space together.

It would drive him forward while he continued to crawl through a field of unimaginable death, always looking to that hope waiting at the end of it all. Something he would tell himself not to lose sight of no matter what he had to do or how it tore him up to reach it.

Like the centipede determinedly moving forward despite falling apart as it did.

He didn't know if he had ever in his life related to anything as he did just then to that small creature.

+.+.+.+.+.+

_The city lit by fireflies  
__They're advertising in the skies f__or people like us  
__...can you see the beauty inside of me?  
__What happened to the beauty I had inside of me?_

* * *

**A/N: **My sister gave me the idea for a past meeting between young Kaneki and Arima. She is currently working on a companion story that will include the scene from his perspective ;) I'll update with the link here when she's finished with it! Their father and son dynamic is such a fascinating favorite of mine. I just love their connection.

*** The poet Arima references, Kitahara Hakushū, is the one Kaneki recites when he meets Arima in the manga. Such a beautiful scene for anyone who hasn't read it!


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